The End…

Hey, it’s me again!

I’ve been home for over a month now, which that in itself is completely insane. I wasn’t really planning on writing a final blog, mainly cause I didn’t know what to say, but here we are. Honestly, I still don’t know what to say. I’ve had countless coffee dates with people who have heard some of the ins and outs of the race, but nothing I’ve said has done it justice. It’s a hard thing to put into words. The experiences and people and places that make up the race are also some of the things that are closest to my heart, so it’s a scary thing to try and share that with people who often just can’t quite understand the weight of it all. I learned a lot about vulnerability this year, and I now welcome it! However, I didn’t realize that sharing about the race was going to be one of the biggest practices in that. I’ve spent this month resting and reflecting as well as taking steps forward and navigating my way back into life at home. It’s been really hard in the most unexpected of ways and it’s also been so sweet and fun at the same time! I miss my friends and I miss the race but I’m equally glad to be back with my friends, family, and church at home. I am stepping into a new season that is going to be radically different from the last, but still so important and good! I’m pretty much just living in the tensions these days, but I’m excited and thankful to be right where I am!

Like I already said, I still don’t have the perfect words for the race and they may never come. That’s okay. But I was looking over this note in my phone this morning, as well as adding some more to it, and I thought it would be a good little bit to share. So, here are some of the lessons and reminders that followed me around this year. Some are silly, some are profoundly deep or special for me (even if they don’t seem that way on paper). This definitely isn’t all that can be said about this year, nor is it a complete list, but it’s a good start and I hope you enjoy it! Also, some of them are vague, containing a far longer and deeper story. Ask me about them if you’re curious! I love talking about the race and questions are the easiest way to get me there!!!! Thanks for following along with me all year long and for all of your prayers and support. They were felt and truly appreciated! I love y’all!

 

My testimony of this year

• I think overall, recognizing that life is worthless and empty apart from God. I have no purpose or joy in chasing the things of the world (how could I be anywhere else note). The sidelines aren’t an option anymore. My life is for Christ and nothing less. Idk what my life will look like moving forward but if it’s not with and for God there’s no point. Running towards him and towards being radically sold out is what I’m after, even when I fail.
• Meeting God in new ways (Russian nesting dolls) ***ask me about this!!!!
• Learning about love and relationships – still working on that one lol – even love and relationship within myself. I can’t love others well if i don’t learn to love me, the me that God has created me to be
• Patience, waiting, the process
• Gratitude & generosity
• Becoming more aware of my sin and brokenness and learning to let the Lord into those things so he can heal and redeem them
• Learning to pray and intercede. To ask boldly and in faith. Learning to listen. Lots of learning still to go
• I’ve become more comfortable and free to be who I am, all my weirdness, passions, loudness, flaws and all
• He is reshaping what love is and what it looks like. Slowly but surely
• I made some of the best friends in the world
• I’ve become so uncomfortable in the world and in the flesh – hallelujah!
• There is such a fine line between striving and then serving out of love & obedience and I feel like I teeter back and forth between the two. But I’m learning to recognize when I’m striving and then call back to mind God’s love and promise and what He has already done for me so that I can be His child & rest in that
• I believe Solomon when he said everything is vanity vanity vanity
• I want to be grateful, kind, hospitable, and generous with myself, my time, and my resources to anyone who comes along just like the families in Guatemala & the DR who treated us that way even when they had little to nothing to give
• Life is ministry & ministry is life – but like fr
• Serving overseas is amazing and praise God for missionaries, but there are people 10 steps from your front door who are hurting and broken and in need of a savior and you know their language and their culture and can be on a mission right where your feet are in San Angelo, Texas.
• Sharing the gospel is so hard and intimidating and still one of my greatest struggles
  • Fear of man/fear of failure has to die!
• I learned that I am a natural leader and that I carry a lot of influence. I don’t believe that most of the time but I trust the people who affirm it in me and it’s my job to step into that boldly and steward it well. And learn and grow in it too!
• I learned a lot about humility and vulnerability. I learned how to see and love others on a deep level as well as allow them to see and love me on a deep level and that is scary but so so special and rare! I crave more relationships like that even though they scare me!
• It’s not all about me and what I want/need
• There is so much to learn, always. Cami calls me a “spongy” person lol, willing and wanting to learn
• Literally nothing matters but the Lord
• Love God. Love people. It’s simple really
• The Lord will surely use our desires and passions. He has placed them there on purpose and as long as we commit them to him, he will use them in our lives mightily! (Ex: all I ever wanted to do was travel and I just spent a whole year doing just that while on mission for the Lord)
• I learned more how to just sit with the Lord – silence and solitude. Definitely not my strong suit but when I can muster up the discipline for it, it’s the sweetest of times with my Father
• Be present and do not stress about what’s to come. Today has enough worries of its own
• Comfort is very overrated
• Joy is imperative
• Worship is a weapon. -B
• Creation truly does scream of God’s might, creativity, and sovereignty
• I really don’t know half of what I think I do lol
• Coffee is important no matter where you go 😉
• Don’t take life too seriously and laugh a lot. But also make spaces to be very vulnerable and honest and intentional, with people and with the Lord
• God is not afraid of nor disappointed in our messiness. And frankly, what we see as messy, he sees as beautiful because he is unraveling and refining those very things. (I think of the messy garden that is intricately designed by God in ‘the shack’)
• God doesn’t need our help, but he chooses to let us partner with him to usher in his kingdom on earth. What an honor and privilege!!!
• The story of Nicole **ask me about her!
• I love experiencing other cultures and languages
• Write things down, it’s good for you. It helps to remember and to process, two things that I don’t do well… or at all
• This life is fleeting. Live wisely, on purpose, and for something way bigger than yourself

 

Jesús te ama

xoxo tay <3